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Matthew Nels's avatar

I appreciate this conversation, and respect the process you are in discerning this situation.

I loved your description of a person as "a unified being...through which meaning is revealed." Beautifully stated- a wonderful definition that snatches us right out of our defective western epistemological default (Esther Meek), though I think there are serious and expanding cultural movements that are working toward a healed definition like yours.

I also remember when Matt Walsh began his "What is a woman" series and thinking that it was the clearest example of moral entrepreneurism I'd ever seen- right out in the open, and totally counter to your definition of personhood. It was wildly successful in doing what it intended: activating the tribalism of a specific group of people- but totally unsuccessful in convincing anyone who was not already convinced (though that was not its purpose). I believe you are correct that asking questions like Walsh did, with his clear intentions (to trap people, rather than be curious and expand his own base of knowledge, awareness, and ability to connect), do not move the conversation forward and do not point anyone toward the love and healing of Christ.

I also agree with your comment about ontological compliance- though I am skeptical that is a totalitarian agenda as much as it is a survival response to past maltreatment (and generations of it) by the culture/society. Even if there is some sort of compliance agenda by some small faction, there is no denying that caught in the middle is a terrified group of people who are just trying to find room to breathe and live their lives. The existence of the LBTQ community inherently challenges dualistic social modeling; for some whose entire worldview rests on dualistic models (without any cognitive structures to hold post-dualistic complexity), the existential dread associated with this challenge can be overwhelming- especially when membership in an in-group (church, small group, town- any community) is threatened by considering such an expansion. This is where discerning a totalitarian control mechanism from a natural and understandable protective measure becomes difficult- when the embodied experience of the situation feels like death (to a dualistic mind and/or social system), regardless of the intentions surrounding it. The narrow norms you referred to are indeed as you describe them- harmful (we have data on this, as you no doubt know); but it also behooves us to acknowledge that constructing and enforcing norms is deeply rooted in our mammalian neurobiology for the purposes of collective survival of our environment (and they change as the demands in our environment change), and varies in its ability to hold dissonance/tension, experience change/transformation, and hold firm when necessary. Recognizing this as a mammalian social tool and not over-projecting it as a universal truth is essential- this way we can begin to understand the perspectives of the conflicting parties and locate the larger context in which the conflict is occurring.

I also feel that you are hinting at something that I myself feel: that there is something tragically immature (developmentally speaking) about the whole situation. An immature conflict held in the container of a society that is also tragically adolescent.

I appreciate your thoughts, Dr. Tobin. Thank you for sharing.

Jeff O'Connor's avatar

Sean, thank you for this article.

I have no idea how I ended up on your email list, but a few months ago I began receiving your writings and I have thoroughly enjoyed them. I'm super curious about your background- you're mentioning The Dream Center, which I worked with long ago, and but I believe you are a practicing Catholic (unless I have misread)- an interesting mix! Do you have anything written regarding how you came to follow Jesus, your journey in vocational ministry, and your journey in theology?

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoy your perspective and your thoughts. Thank you for sharing!

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